Things Computers Do In Movies

Author unknown

Found this at the "LAN of the Lost" Web site, an oldie but a goodie

• Word processors never display a cursor.
• You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
• Movie characters never make typing mistakes.
• All monitors display inch-high letters.
• High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces. Those that don't, have incredibly powerful text-bases command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
• You can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS"
• All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
• Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes.
• Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The *really* advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer.
• All computer panels have thousands of volts and flash pots just underneath the surface. Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backwards.
• People typing away on a computer will turn it off without saving the data.
• A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
• Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.
• Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds.
• Movie modems usually appear to transmit data at the speed of two gigabytes per second.
• When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
• If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen.
• If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.
• No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into.
• All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
• The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.
• Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional active animation, photo-realistic graphics capability.
• Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY Supercomputer.
• Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.
• Computers are always scrolling something. The more things that are scrolling in the background, the more important the computer must be.