HI
THERE, THIS IS THE HELP DESK
(Calls
people on a Computer Help Desk have to put up with.)
Author
unknown
Helpdesk:
What kind of computer do you have?
Female
customer: A white one...
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Customer:
Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk:
Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer:
Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk:
That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."
Customer:
No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's
Still
on my desk... sorry ....
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Helpdesk:
Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the
screen.
Customer:
Your left or my left?
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Helpdesk:
Good day. How may I help you?
Male
customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk:
Would you click on start for me and ...
Male
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me!
I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
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Customer:
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every
time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the
printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer
still says he can't find it...
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Customer:
I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk:
Do you have a colour printer?
Customer:
Aaaah....................thank you.
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Helpdesk:
What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer:
A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
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Helpdesk:
And now hit F8.
Customer:
It's not working.
Helpdesk:
What did you do, exactly?
Customer:
I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
happening...
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Customer:
My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk:
Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer:
No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk:
Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:
OK
Helpdesk:
Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer:
Yes
Helpdesk:
That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there
Another
keyboard?
Customer:
Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
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Helpdesk:
Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer:
Is that 7 in capital letters?
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A
customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk:
Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer:
Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk:
Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer:
Five stars.
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Helpdesk:
What antivirus program do you use?
Customer:
Netscape.
Helpdesk:
That's not an antivirus program.
Customer:
Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
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Customer:
I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver
On
My computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
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Customer:
I have a problem, my coffee cup holder just snapped
Helpdesk:
Cupholder?
Customer:
Yeah, the one in the computer, you push a button and it comes
out. Mine just snapped off when I put my cup on it
Helpdesk:
Ummm, that’s the CD-ROM, it’s not designed to hold
coffee cups.
Customer:
Oh.
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Helpdesk:
How may I help you?
Customer:
I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk:
OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer:
Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?
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In
the days of 5 ¼ inch diskettes.
Customer:
Please help, my floppy disk isn’t working.
Helpdesk:
Is it inserted in the drive properly?
Customer:
Yes, it came back to me from a colleague with a note stapled on
it for some changes I had to make on a file.
Helpdesk:
Did you say “STAPLED on it”
Customer:
Yes. Is that a bad thing?
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And
perhaps the most famous Helpdesk call of all…
Customer:
I can’t find the ANY key! I’ve looked everywhere for it
Helpdesk:
Any key?
Customer:
Yes the message says “Press ANY key to continue” and
it’s not here.