Rules When Dealing with IT
Found this at the "LAN of the
Lost" Web site, an oldie but a goodie
- When an IT support engineer says hes coming right
over, go away for a coffee. Its nothing for us to
remember everyones screensaver password.
- When you call IT support to have your computer moved, be
sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards,
baby pictures and other assorted detritus. We dont
have a life so we find it deeply moving to catch a
fleeting glimpse of yours.
- When IT support sends you an email with high importance,
delete it immediately. Were just testing the public
- When an IT support engineer is eating his lunch at his
desk, walk right in and spill your guts out - we only
exist to serve.
- When a IT support engineer is having a smoke in the
smoking room, ask him a computer question. The only
reason why we smoke at all is to ferret out those clients
who dont have access to email or a telephone.
- Send urgent email in UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it
up and flags it as a rush delivery.
- When you call an IT support engineers direct line,
press 5 to skip the bilingual greeting that tells you
hes out of town for a week, record your message and
wait exactly 24 hrs before you send an email to the
managing director because no-one ever returned your call.
You are, after all, entitled to common courtesy.
- When the photocopier doesnt work, call IT support.
After all, theres electronics in it. In fact, why
not call them if the fax machine, desktop calculator, or
the security swipe card access to the gym stops working.
Theyre all electronic too so it must be our
responsibility to sort it out.
- When youre getting a NO DIAL TONE message from
home, call IT support so we can fix your line from the
- When something is wrong with your home PC, dump it on a
IT support engineers desk with no name, no phone
number and no description of the problem. We love a
- When you have IT Support on the phone walking you through
changing a setting, read the paper. We dont
actually mean for you to do anything, we just love the
sound of our own voices.
- When we offer training on the new software package,
dont bother. Well be there to hold your hand
once its complete
- When the printer wont print, re-send the job at
least 20 times. Everyone knows print jobs get sucked into
black holes every now and then.
- When the printer STILL wont print after 20
attempts, send the job to every other printer in the
building. One of them is bound to work.
- Dont ever, ever, ever use online help - that is for
wimps & people with no social or communication
skills. It was only ever written into the application for
a bit of a laugh anyway.
- If youre taking night classes in computer science,
feel free to go around and update the network drivers for
you and all your co-workers. Were grateful for any
overtime we can get.
- When you have an IT support engineer fixing your PC at
12:15, eat your lunch in front of him. We function better
when wracked with pangs of hunger.
- Dont EVER thank us - were paid for doing
this. In fact feel free to be as rude and abrupt as you
- When an IT support engineer asks you if youve
installed any new software on your computer, LIE.
Its not our business what youve got on the
- If a mouse cable keeps knocking down the picture of your
loved one, lift the computer and trap the cable. Mouse
cables were designed to have 45lbs of computer sitting on
top of them.
- If the spacebar on your computer doesnt work, blame
it on the Exchange upgrade. Keyboards are actually very
happy with half a pound of biscuit crumbs and nail
clippings in them.
- When you get a message asking "Are You Sure?",
click on that YES button as fast as possible. Hell, if
you werent sure, you wouldnt be doing it in
the first place, would you?
- Feel free to say things like "I dont know
nothing about that computer crap". We dont
mind hearing our area of expertise referred to as crap.
- When you need to change the toner cartridge, call IT
support. Changing the cartridge is an extremely technical
task and Hewlett Packard recommends that it be performed
only by a professional engineer with a masters
degree in Nuclear Physics.
- When something is the matter with your computer, ask your
secretary to call the helpdesk. We enjoy the challenge of
having to deal with a third-party who knows nothing about
- When you receive a 300 MB AVI file, send it on to
everyone as a mail attachment. Weve got LOADS of
disk space on the server.
- Dont even think of breaking large print jobs down
into smaller chunks. Someone else may sneak a memo into
- If your son is a student in computer science, have him
come in over the weekend and do his projects on your work
PC. Well be there for you when his illegal copy of
Visual Basic 2000 makes your Access 2000 disappear and
riddles your PC with viruses.
- When you bring your own personal home PC in for repair in
the office leave the documentation at home. Dont
worry, well find all the settings and drivers on