Questions to Ponder...it's
quite scary just seeing how many of these there are!
- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and
drink whatever comes out?"
- Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken
there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta
- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being
- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
- If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the
time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where
the bathroom is?
- Why does your obstetrician leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
- Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
fours? They're both dogs!
- What do you call male ballerinas?
- Can blind people see their dreams?
- If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme
crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
- If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made
from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet
- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?
- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it
- On a high rise building, how many floors do you need to
go up before you no longer require fly screens on the
- Is it true that 87.5% of all statistics are made up on
- Why is freight inside a car called a shipment while the
same freight on a ship is called cargo?
- What language do multi-lingual people dream in?
- If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the
- When French people swear do they say "pardon my
- Arent the good things that come to those who
wait just the leftovers from the people that got
- If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to
replace it later?
- Cute as a button Is that supposed to be a
compliment? Since when are buttons cute?
- Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat
- Can you get cornered in a round room?
- In that song, "shell be coming around the
mountain", who is she?
- Why is it that if something says, do not eat
on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
- Wouldnt it be smart to make the sticky stuff on
envelopes taste like chocolate?
- Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters
in "mother in law", they come out to Woman
- Isnt it funny how the word politics is
made up of the words poli meaning
many in Latin, and tics as in
- Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even
though water is clear??
- What happens if you put this side up face down while
popping microwave popcorn?
- Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the
piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?
- If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered
- If heat rises, then shouldnt hell be cold?
- Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when
God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
- Why do you go back and forth to town if you
really must go forth before you go back?
- Why do dogs sniff other dogs bottoms to say hello,
why dont they just bark in their face or something?
- Why do companies offer you free gifts? Since
when has a gift NOT been free?
- If something goes without saying, why do
people still say it?
- You know the expression, Dont quit your day
job? Well what do you say to people that work
- Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside
down to read the directions, and the directions say do
not turn upside down?
- Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?
- Which way does a compass point in space?
- Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but
why cant we run outside naked?
- If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
- If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton
that offers a reward, would they get the money?
- Why arent safety pins as safe as they say they are?
- Why do people say, You cant have your cake
and eat it too? Why would someone get cake if they
cant eat it?
- Do movie directors still say lights, camera, and action
when it is a dark scene?
- Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where
did he keep them?
- Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the
same number of letters?
- Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball
- If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my
height and weight on my drivers license?
- How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put
on your hamburger but they dont take off the price
if you get something taken off?
- If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile
home, wouldnt you be able to go anywhere you want?
- If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel
through time, wouldnt we now be seeing people from
- Do pyromaniacs wear blazers?
- If you dont pay your exorcist, do you get
- How come only car keys are the only keys with teeth on
- Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
- Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only
one day of Christmas?
- If you die and you have a broken leg do they take the
- Is sign language the same in languages other than
- Why is number abbreviated as no?
When there is no o in number?
- Do the security guards at airports have to go through
airport security when they get to work?
- Who gets to keep the pennies in a wishing well?
- If you went back in time and killed your mother would you
disappear the moment you killed her?
- If money doesnt grow on trees then why do banks
- How important does a person have to be before they are
considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
- Do the air bubbles that are created when you fart in
water, smell when they pop?
- When a boy is named after his dad, he is called
Junior, but what do you call a girl that is
named after her mother?
- If all of the Acme stuff doesnt work, why does Wile
Coyote keep buying their products?
- 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take
candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged!
Why is that ?
- Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you
find something funny? When obviously we do?
- Why do you have to put your two cents in but
its only a penny for your thoughts?
Wheres that extra penny going too ?
- Since there is a rule that states i before
e except after c, wouldnt
science be spelled wrong?
- Why do most people put more effort into their wedding
than their actual marriage?
- Why do dogs walk around in circles before lying down?
- Can a metal plate in your head get rusted?
- Do stuttering people stutter when theyre thinking
- If the day before a holiday is called Christmas Eve, is
the day after Christmas Adam?
- Once youre in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
clothes you were buried in for eternity?
- What do vegetarians feed their dogs?
- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
- What did cured ham actually have?
- If CDs were spun in the opposite direction, would
it say everything backwards?
- If lava melts rock, wouldnt the lava melt the
- If a man has no fingers, can he press charges?
- Can a blind man see his future?
- Are children who use sign language allowed to talk with
their mouth full?
- Why do people say, youve been working like a
dog when dogs just sit around all day?
- Can you write in pencil on an eraser?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured
out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
- Can crop circles be square?
- Why are there black lines on a basketball?
- If marriage means you fell in love, does divorce mean you
- Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
- When a car is for sale and it has a balloon on it, does
the balloon come with it?
- What happens when you say hi to your friend
on an airplane whos name is Jack?
- If a criminal turns himself in shouldnt he get the
- If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it
- Why is it that people say they slept like a
baby when babies wake up like every two hours?
- When lightning strikes the ocean why dont all the
- If people say if you eat dessert before dinner it will
ruin your appetite wont eating dinner before
dessert ruin your appetite for dessert?
- Why do they call him a Skipper when he just stands there?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a
- If I raise the volume on my radio, does it use more
- What would happen if: Everyone was to flush their toilet
at the same time?
- Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody
turns the lights on?
- If you died on the International Dateline, and half of
you were on 1 side and the other half on the other side,
what day would you die?
- If the weather man says its a 50% chance of
rain does that mean he has no idea if its going to
rain or not?
- If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they
- If Sunday is the holy day of rest why do we have to get
up early for church?
- When you snap your fingers, does the sound occur when
your middle finger releases from your thumb, or when your
middle finger hits the palm of your hand?
- Why are you IN a movie, but your ON TV?
- Cant anybody who has a job go in the
employees only doors at restaurants?
Shouldnt they be more specific and say
employees of this place only?
- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
- If the police see someone committing a crime but are on
there way to investigate a crime do they stop or go to
the one they were on their way to?
- Is an alcoholic just a drunk thats scared of a
- If a table is propped up can it be propped down?
- If our planet is inhabited with creatures made by
is it possible that theres another planet
inhabited with creatures made by the Devil?
- How come stealing from one book is plagiarism, but
stealing from many is research?
- If two identical twin brothers married identical twin
sisters, would their kids be identical?
- If your glove is too big, does it still fit like a glove?
- Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?
- If you can test drive cars at the dealers, why not
test-drive lawnmowers around at a hardware store?
- Is there anything easier done than said?
- Since the U.S. says United We Stand, does that offend
- If no one buys a ticket to a movie, does the movie still
- Do they re-use body bags? Or do they throw them away and
get new ones?
- Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
Theyre going to see you naked anyway?
- If a 911 (000 for Oz) operator has a heart attack, whom
does he/she call?
- Dont you find it weird we teach our kids: "rub
a dub dub, three men in a tub"?
- Why do they call it morning sickness in the
middle of the afternoon?
- Did you know there is a page 666 in The Bible?
- If money is the root of all evil then how come churches
ask for it?
- Can vampires donate blood?
- If a fire truck was on its way to a fire and it passes
another fire, which fire would it go to?
- If you could walk through the walls, wouldnt you
fall through the floor?
- If your named Will and you are in the army do you get
worried when people say fire at will?
- Why is Bra singular and Panties plural?
- What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces
- If they develop a supersonic train, will they give it a
- Do fish ever get thirsty?
- If there were a knowledge contest, would the female
winner be called Miss Informed?
- If you stick stickers onto non-stick pans, would they
- Can angels eat devils food cake?
- If I think, and therefore I am, am I just a thought?
- If ignorance is bliss, why arent more people happy?
- Is it possible to do stand-up comedy sitting down?
- If dinosaurs had sores
what would they
- Why are there dents in a golf ball?
- How can someone be dirt poor, and another be filthy rich?
- What would happen if you put a humidifier and a
dehumidifier in the same room?
- How can sweet and sour sauce be sweet and sour at the
- If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a
- If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture
of a thousand words worth?
- If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did
all the money go?
- If rabbits feet are so lucky, then what happened to
- What if youre in hell, and youre mad at
someone, where do you tell them to go?
- Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a
- When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on
- If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged
- If anythings possible, then is it possible that
- Is atheism is a non-prophet organization?
- If a baseball is hit out of the stadium, travels
completely around the world, re-enters the stadium, and
is caught by a fielder, is it a home run or an out?
- If a policecar, an ambulance, a fire truck and a mail
truck are all at a 4 way stop who has the right of way?
- Why are rubber duckies yellow when most real ducks
- Isnt it scary that the word therapist
is the same as the words the and
rapist put together?
- Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one
- Do pigs pull ham strings?
- If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you
- Have you ever thought what life would be like if your
name was Anonymous? Youd get credit for everything
nobody wanted credit for?
- If a water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern
hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when it
drains in the southern hemisphere
which way does it
spin at the equator?
- If you own a piece of land and there is an volcano on it
and it ruins a nearby town, do you have to pay for the
- If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through
anything, wouldnt you see through everything and
actually see nothing?
- How do you throw away a garbage can?
- If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
- What does OK actually mean?
- What does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
- Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel
when they are down?
- If one man says, it was an uphill battle, and
another says, it went downhill from there,
how could they both be having troubles?
- Why do we say bye bye but not hi
- Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?
- Why doesnt the glue in the bottle dry up?
- If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?
- If an anarchist group attained political power, would
they by principle have to dissolve their own government?
- Why is it we have the weight of the world on our
shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
- Why do they call it your bottom, when
its really in the middle of your body?
- Why do they call them guidance counselors when all
counselors do is offer guidance?
- Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words
- Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building
in a single bound if he can fly?
- Why is it called a TV set when there is only one?
- If its zero degrees outside today and its
supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it
going to be?
- How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
- Can a guy named Nick have a nickname?
- If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the
way down to the core of the earth?
- Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out,
what do little birdies see when they just get knocked
- If you wore a teflon suit, could you ever end up in a
- How fast do hotcakes sell?
- If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called
- If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had
such a straight parting in his hair?
- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the
- Dont you find it worrying that doctors call
treating you their practice ?
- What do you call a female daddy long legs?
- If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a
car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in
- Why is it called a drive through if you have
- Why does mineral water that has trickled through
mountains for centuries go out of date next year?
- If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else
make a sound ?
- Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people
- Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air,
but not thick air?
- Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called
- What do people in China call their good plates?
- Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
- Does a postman deliver his own mail?
- Do mimes watch silent movies?
- Why do people say You scared the living daylights
out of me when daylight is not living?
- If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know
they are missing?
- Why are boxing rings square?
- Why is it called pineapple, whens there neither
pine nor apple in it?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
- If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first
- Do sore thumbs really stick out?
- Whats the opposite of opposite?
- If Practice makes perfect, and nobodys perfect,
then why practice?
- Is the opposite of out of whack in
- If you try to fail and succeed, what did you just do?
- Why do they call it Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire when they know the answer is going to
- Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but
puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
- If a terminator is someone who kills, shouldnt an
exterminator be the opposite?
- If a robber tried to rob a dance club and yelled,
Everybody get down, would all the people
- Could a tanning bed kill a vampire? If not would they get
- How long is it until your relationship is considered a
- If you cut off a glowworms tail would it be
- If you say something is indescribable, isnt that
- Do Dutch people always split the bill?
- If you shine a light into a mirror, do you get twice as
- If a Truck is loaded with Helium, would it weigh less
than when it was empty?
- Why do they call it a black light when its really
- If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you
come out with your feet first?
- Did they have antiques in the olden days?
- If Pringles are so good that once you pop, you
cant stop why do they come with a resealable
- What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
- If theres an exception to every rule, is there an
exception to that rule?
- Why do they call it getting your dog fixed if
afterwards it doesnt work anymore?
- If when people freak out they are said to be having
a cow, when cows freak out are they said to be
having a person?
- Why do we leave expensive cars in the driveway, when we
keep worthless junk in the garage?
- What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?
- Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is
- What would happen if an Irresistible Force met an
- Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
- Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
- If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman
there to hear him, is he still wrong?
- Why is it that when a person tells you theres over
a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if
someone tells you theres wet paint somewhere, you
have to touch it to make sure?
- Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers
if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
- How does Santa get into a house that doesnt have a
- What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
- What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
- I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be
underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
- If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her
- If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few
times, does he become disoriented?
- Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go
- Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
- Could someone ever get addicted to counseling? If so, how
could you treat them?
- Did Adam and Eve have navels?
- Do fish get cramps after eating?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
- Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as 4s?
- Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical
- How can someone draw a blank?
- How come you press harder on a remote control when you
know the battery is dead?
- How do you know when youre out of invisible ink?
- How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so
youre never in darkness?
- If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see
it, do the other trees make fun of it?
- If all the world is a stage, where is the audience
- How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was
invented but just didnt have anything to jot it
- If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are
there locks on the doors?
- If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home,
why not move 10 miles away?
- If a book about failures doesnt sell, is it a
- If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train
station is where a train stops, why do I have a work
station on my desk?
- If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you
- If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you
turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
- If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his
hands with soap?
- If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers,
why are they all still working?
- If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
- If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON
stick to the pan?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to
- If people from Poland are called Poles, why arent
people from Holland called Holes?
- If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a
- If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and
seek, does he automatically lose because he cant
- If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it
- If the #2 pencil is the most popular, whys it still
- If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he
has the right to remain silent?
- If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic,
wouldnt they call you first?
- If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isnt the
plural of booth beeth?
- If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
- If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines
be shaped differently?
- If you cant drink and drive, why do you need a
drivers license to buy liquor, and why do bars have
- If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards,
would the driver end up owing you money?
- If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all
but one of them, what do you call it?
- If you keep trying to prove Murphys Law, will
something keep going wrong?
- If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime
for a neighbour, will he complain?
- If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when
- If you take a shower, where do you put it?
- Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
- Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
- There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case.
- What do sheep count when they cant sleep?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal that
eats only endangered plants?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- What is another word for thesaurus?
- What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
- When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever
tempted to eat themselves?
- When youre sending someone styrofoam, what do you
pack it in?
- Where do forest rangers go to get away from it
- Who invented accents?
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to
have an s in it?
- Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
- Why arent there bulletproof pants?
- Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Wont they all
- Why do bars advertise live bands? What does a dead band
- Why do they call them apartments when they
are all stuck together?
- Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the
- Why dont you ever hear about gruntled employees?
- Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but
a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
- Why is it called a building when it is
- Why is the word abbreviate so long?
- Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
- Why isnt palindrome spelled the same
- Why isnt there mouse-flavored cat food?
- You know how most packages say Open here.
What is the protocol if the package says, Open
- Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
- Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
- How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real
hippos are brown?
- Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being
qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as
- Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?
- If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured
would they remember that they forgot?
- Why do mattresses have designs on them when theyre
always covered with sheets?
- If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party,
is it considered karaoke?
- How come French fries are not considered a vegetable,
they are just deep fried potatoes?